Fw: The Camel Dances

from Diane Sommer

THE CAMEL DANCES

 
 
The Camel had her heart set on becoming a ballet dancer.
 
"To make every movement a thing of grace and beauty", said the Camel. "That is my one and only desire."
 
Again and again she practiced her pirouettes, her releves and her arabesques. She repeated the five basic positions a hundred times each day. She worked for long months under the hot desert sun. Her feet were blistered and her body ached, but not once did she think of stopping.
 
At last the Camel said, "Now I am a dancer." She announced a recital and danced before an invited group of camel friends and critics. When her dance was over, she made a deep bow.
 
There was no applause.
 
"I must tell you frankly," said a member of the audience, "as a critic and a spokesman for this group, that you are lumpy and humpy. You are baggy and bumpy. You are, like the rest of us, simply a camel. You are NOT and never will be a ballet dancer!"
 
Chuckling and laughing the audience moved away across the sand.
 
"How very wrong they are!" said the Camel. "I have worked hard. There can be no doubt that I am a splendid dancer. I will dance and dance just for myself."
 
That is what she did. It gave her many years of pleasure.
 
 

A fable by Arnold Lobel

From Ridgely Retreat Center, Stone Ridge NY

Shyamdas is coming to Ridgely (the Vivekananda Retreat Center) on Wednesday, September 12, at 7:30 p.m. Everyone is welcome. Bring your friends. Shyamdas will be giving a program of the usual: bhajans, kirtan, discourse, satsang. Ridgely is at 101 Leggett Road, about ten minutes south of Kingston on Route 209, in Stone Ridge. Turn left at the Mobil Station, and Ridgely is about 1/4 mile on the left. More info and directions at www.ridgely.org . JAI HANUMAN JAI MA

Patience pays

From "The Hindu" 9/2004 - Lessons I need to learn

YOUR PARENTS, teachers and wise peers would have drilled into you the importance of patience a number of times. But, how many times have you lend a patient ear in your day-to-day life? Impatience is said to breed anxiety, fear and discouragement; all of which make you a failure.
On the other hand, patience transforms you into a confident, decisive and a rational being. Impatience can be the root of many a predicament. It may incite you to make hasty decisions, draw wrong assumptions and do the wrong things, ultimately landing you in trouble.
The antecedents...
Despite knowing full well the negative consequences of our impatience, why many of us are impatient? Is it a hereditary trait, or an outcome of poor socialisation or is there any other cause that turns us into an impatient mortal?
Stress has been found to be one of the primary causes fuelling impatience. The more stressed out you are, the more impatient your reaction would be to situations. Nevertheless, there is hope for an impatient soul. But, not all are gutsy enough to pull up their socks and get back to `normalcy'.
How to get over ...
Observe your body language, facial expressions and words for any signs of impatience
Try noting situations that test your patience; probably you can work on them
Notice people's reactions in your social interactions; see if they are feeling uncomfortable
Pay attention to your reaction to different situations, it helps recognise your flaws and how to overcome them
It's always better to know what triggers your impatience; it helps you weather the problem
Once you recognise the situation, calm yourself
Stress busters
Since stress forms the fertile ground for many a malady, it's advisable to get armed with certain effective stress busters. The following should help you tackle the stress-related problems:
It is beneficial to look for ways to de-stress ourselves physically and emotionally
When you feel a little hot under the collar and are ready to burst out, take a TIME OUT!
Take some time out for yourself - do exercise, yoga or meditation or read books, listen to music, watch television or play your favourite sport
Set yourself targets and decide the plan of action. Once you complete the assigned task, pamper yourself to a nice dinner or an ice cream. This makes you feel better and gears you up for another hard day
For the religious minded, a brief meditation and prayer relaxes mind to a great extent
There is nothing like a good hot water bath
Being an active listener always helps
Wait for the person to finish speaking before drawing conclusions. Try putting yourself in the other person's shoes in tricky situations
Finally, self-control helps you score better in the long run. A nice holiday away from the routine is the ultimate stress-buster. Work on your shortcomings. Believe me, a little patience works wonders!
SRIVIDYA

A rough day. Went off my food plan - drank too much coffee - I felt as if I was disintegrating. Pulled myself together with some support -visualizing the mountains- and ended the day feeling good. I didn't go to my Hindu music class tonight - I needed some vegging space. I have a very stressful weekend ahead, but there is no reason to let it overwhelm me.
I have missed toning for 2 mornings and need to get back on track with that - for me it is like prayer and exercise combined - it keeps me on track.

Worldwide Tuning Meditation

1000 or more voices are gathering at Damrosch Park Lincoln Center Out of Doors for the World Wide Tuning Meditation on August 21 at 7pm EDT. Voices from other countries will be included via Free103point9 internet radio channels and broadcast into the park, with the local voices broadcasting out to the world. Please join oceans of voices in this Sonic Gesture of Peace where ever you are - no experience is neccesary.
Score, Sign Up, and More Info: www.deeplistening.org/site/tuningmeditation2007

Score

Begin by taking a deep breath and letting it all the way out with air sound.Listen with your mind’s ear for a tone.
On the next breath using any vowel sound, sing the tone that you have silently perceived on one comfortable breath.
Listen to the whole field of sound the group is making.Select a voice distant from you and tune as exactly as possible to the tone you are hearing from that voice.
Listen again to the whole field of sound the group is making.Contribute by singing a new tone that no one else is singing.
Continue by listening then singing a tone of your own or tuning to the tone of another voice alternately.
Commentary:
Always keep the same tone for any single breath. Change to a new tone on another breath.Listen for distant partners for tuningSound your new tone so that it may be heard distantly.
Communicate with as many difference voices as possible.
Sing warmly!
Pauline Oliveros

Kirtan at Namaste Yoga

Kirtan at Namaste Yoga Monday night will be led by Joseph Jastrab, and Ned and Lynn Leavitt. It will really be a wonderful night. I may be sitting in on fiddle depending on my neck. The time is 5:30 - 7. Come join us!! Radhe Radhe!!

weight

Just checked my weight on the official (office) scale. I was inspired as I am on my last belt notch on my good belt, so I had hoped that I had lost some weight, which for me would have meant being under 250 lbs.   Well, I was 251 lbs.  
Interestingly, the last time I weighed myself was a year ago and I was also 251!  I had recorded my weight now and then since 2000.  My low was 214 in 2000, but since then my weight has fluctuated from a low of 220 to a high of 260, mostly being around 245.  
Towards the end of my vacation I weighed myself on another scale and it was around 260.  So I'm doing well, feeling good and feeling happy

Hope

I'm feeling on target with my diet. Right now my neck is killing me, but I have been good with my food all day. The hope is that as I lose more weight, become more active, I will have less arthritis pain in the joints.
I'm feeling a strong motivation to stay with this diet (food plan, whatever). It's the physical combined with the spiritual. Hope for the future.
I read once that the best diet (food plan) that really works is to be totally in love with the food you are eating. If you wamt to eat an orange, pray over the orange. If you decide that yes, the universe really thinks it's a good thing for you to eat the orange then eat it, enjoy it, worship it.
It's basically a love diet.

Tea

Having alsmost given up coffee, I have been rethinking what I can put in my ssystem to regulate mood. I usually don't have any trouble getting to sleep, but have trouble in the afternoon staying awake and focusing on my job. I wish we had siestas here.
When I have needed to calm myself down, I have tried Kava tea - it works and I like it, but I can't do it too often, because it can cause liver problems. Some kava products were taken off the market a few years ago because of this. Valerian root works well, but I can't take too much.
Staying awake is mostly green tea, but I need to be open to new ideas. I'm allowing myself things that are naturally sweet, but trying to do fruit only in the AM. Carrots seem to help, but as I chew them some of the pieces have a tendancy to go up my nose. Cause quite a sinus attack today.

Cars

A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO Cody and Robin Johnson were chatting with
Rupert Sheldrake in a restaurant, in Oxford as memory serves, and the
topic of morphic resonance naturally came up. Rupert gave an interesting
and clarifying example of how the morphogenetic field works. He commented
that it is remarkable that we can drive automobiles on streets filled with
other automobiles and drive on motorways at high speed, passing other cars
and maneuvering close to each other. But, back when the first cars were
invented, we didn't drive as we do now, the car driving field didn't
exist. For example, let's say that a town had two of the new contraptions,
with one on one side of the town and the other on the other side of town.
Invariably the two cars would crash into each other. Simply put, our
morphogenetic field didn't include driving cars. But once people began
successfully driving cars they opened the car driving field and everyone
could easily learn to drive a car and not bang into one another very
often.

Sheldrake's work with both humans and animals is important because it
proves that a greater mind exists in potential and as any of us opens the
field to something novel, we may see resulting conditions, that viewed
from the older perspective, may seem miraculous. The field of our
existence and the possibilities available to us are only limited by our
reality perspective, and that the morphogenetic field proves that the
sages were right – we are all interconnected as one.

Now if you couple this with the work of Bruce Lipton, who teaches that
"When you realize that you are creating a specific field of energy around
you according to the different thoughts and emotions you are experiencing,
you are on the road to taking control of the things you find in your
life," you have truly groundbreaking scientific validation for unlimited
possibilities which can be manifest by everyone of us. This also ties in
neatly with the principles of quantum physics and the Law of Attraction –
successful car driving creates more successful car driving – like attracts
like.

Bruce Lipton will be joining Rupert Sheldrake in Seattle this weekend. For
the first time these two revolutionary biologists bring their work
together, and the results should prove amazing.

Life is good

Feeling as if there are some major changes happening in my life now. Did you hear that? I didn't tone this morning. My legs were hurting from Hindu music class last night and did not want to sit cross legged again. There was a very beautiful Arti (fire ceremony) following the class, more intricate than usual because it was Krishna's Birthday. Prasad (small treat) was offered after and I made the mistake of putting out my left hand, which is taboo in India. I new that, but it takes me awhile to learn things - I need reminders.
I had Egg Foo Young for lunch, which probably has wheat. I get the sauce on the side and had white rice instead of fried. I have had no coffee today, but am going to see if I can find a 1/2 cup in my office. I've been having 1 1/2 cups a day, so this will be OK - still working towards "0" coffee.
Since I missed toning, I just listened to MP3 of my new class lesson. I haven't received the translation yet, so don't know what the words mean. I think it may be about Krishna.

HAPPY FOR NO REASON

HAPPY FOR NO REASON : HAPPINESS AND THE LAW OF ATTRACTION
by Marci Shimoff

(Watch Marci's video at: http://www.marcishimoff.com/thesecret.html)

Imagine your fairy godmother is standing before you, ready to wave her wand and make your wishes come true. Suddenly, the world appears a different place, full of possibilities and magic!

Well, it turns out that this imaginary scenario is actually how the
process of manifestation works—and is based, not in magic, but in science.
The film "The Secret" vividly explains this powerful universal principle called the Law of Attraction, which simply stated is: like attracts like.

Whatever we think, feel and put our energy into, whether positive or negative, we magnetize to us. The universe, like a good fairy godmother, simply responds.

Sounds easy enough. So, why don't we all have everything we want?

The answer lies in my favorite formula for applying the Law of Attraction that was given to me by my good friend and advisor Bill Levacy. It has three simple, easy-to-remember steps:

1. INTENTION – Be clear about what you want

2. ATTENTION – Experience the thoughts and feelings of already having what you want, AND take the action steps to manifest your intention.

3. NO TENSION – Let go. Relax. Shift from being tightly focused on your specific desired outcome to being wide open to all possibilities. Trust that your highest good will come to you, and feel the happiness of that.

A lot has been written and spoken about the first two steps. Many of us have mastered them, but have stopped there. We end up holding on to our desire like a terrier chewing on a bone. We have to take action towards our goals, but when we push and struggle and hold on too tight, we get in our own way.

The problem is we haven't taken the last step. We haven't let go.
Surrendered. Said, "Okay, this or something better." The third step, "no tension," frees our minds, opens our hearts, and, most importantly, lets us be happy in this moment. If we skip this step, it's like having a closed fist; how can we receive anything when our hand isn't open? In our "gotta-get" culture, this is the step most people miss or dismiss.

When we let go and trust that all is ultimately working out for the best, we feel happier. And happiness attracts more happiness.

When I first heard Bill's formula, I had an "a-ha moment." I realized that every time I had succeeded in manifesting my desires, it had happened only after I'd done step #3, let go, relaxed and felt happy. In fact, one of my greatest successes is a perfect example of this.

In 1994, I had been working for ten years as a corporate trainer and a professional speaker focusing on self-esteem for women. My career intention was clear (step #1): to inspire and empower millions of people around the world to live their lives to their highest and best potential.

My attention was focused on thinking, feeling and visualizing BIG success (step #2). I was the queen of persistence and had taken all the "right actions" to further my career. Although I had achieved a good degree of success by then, I knew I wanted to take my work to a higher level, and it just wasn't happening. I had done everything I knew to do and was burned out.

Needing to take a break, I decided to go on a seven-day silent meditation retreat. After a few days of silence—no easy feat for a Chatty Cathy like me—the most amazin g thing happened. I began to tap into something deeper in myself, and started to feel peaceful, relaxed and fulfilled. I moved into that state of no tension, where my grip on achieving my goal melted away, leaving me with a feeling of deep contentment.

Then, on the fourth day of silence, while I was sitting quietly in
meditation, a light bulb went off in my head, and I clearly saw the words Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul in my mind. This was back in 1994 when only the first Chicken Soup for the Soul book had been published, so the idea of spin-off books for different niche markets was a breakthrough. As soon as the idea came, I knew it was a winner. I was so excited that it was all I could do to sit silently for three more days without shouting the idea to anyone in earshot!

The minute the retreat ended, I ran to the closest payphone and called Jack Canfield, who had been my mentor for the past six years and was the co-creator of "Chicken Soup for the Soul". I told him my idea and he loved it. Before long I had a book contract to create what would be one of the first in the now legendary series of over 150 titles. Within a few years, I had co-authored six New York Times bestsellers in the Chicken Soup series, with over 13 million books sold. I had finally, and thrillingly, fulfilled my original intention of touching millions of people's lives.

I am absolutely certain that it was by using all three steps of this powerful formula—intention, attention, and no tension—that I was able to realize my dream. Any two of the steps would not have done it.

So, did I live happily ever after? Not right away. After using this formula for many years to attract extraordinary situations, people and things that I wanted, I eventually realized, like many people before me, that having the things and circumstances you want in your life is wonderful AND it's not enough. It was then that I discovered another essential key: there is more. . .

Having things and circumstances – money, success, relationships,
health--brings a certain happiness, what I call being "happy for good reason." Unfortunately, this temporary experience of satisfaction or joy soon fades and we have to hurry up and fulfill the next desire to get a new high. To experience true and lasting happiness, we must be free of the need for any external reason to be happy. As Deepak Chopra has said, "happiness for a reason is just another form of misery."

What we all want most deeply is to be what I have come to call "happy for no reason"—a lasting neurophysiological state of peace and well-being that is not dependent on circumstances. I've spent the last few years researching the latest findings on happiness and interviewing truly happy people for my upcoming book, "Happy for No Reason." The good news is this is an achievable state.

Ironically, we seem to have things backwards. True happiness isn't a result of getting what we want; getting what we want is a side effect of happiness. Why? Because, when we are happy for no reason, we have mastered that tricky step #3, no tension, and then our desires manifest more quickly and effortlessly than ever.

Perhaps we need to focus a little less on getting what we want to make us happy and a little more on creating a deep inner state of happiness. When we are happy for no reason, all else is just icing on the cake.

That is the ultimate secret!

The best years?

I''m still on my diet and have done my toning every day for 3 days so far. Life has been getting in the way today, but I am determined to be resolute in my commitment. I just spent some time with a person who is very psychotic and may wind up in the hospital. But he has this strong feeling that his life has to be dedicated to God and I find myself having a great deal of respect for that. I think there are some very holy people who aren't wearing robes.
There are some things I would like to say that I can't say here.
Saw a great movie last night - The Best Years of Our Lives (1946). It won 7 Academy Awards. Wonderful story of veterans returning home from WWII and readjusting. Some great romance too.

Aquarius

OK, the syndicated "Your Horoscope" column for today says
"As long as you're on a personal improvement kick, you may as well be recording it in some fashion. Blog it. Brag-book it. Post it on your community board at the grocery store. Tell the world you're on your way"
OK, they got my number. Starting diet today. Fruit in AM, Veggies in PM, protein in the evening, no dairy, wheat, refined sugars. Coffee limited to 1 cup in AM or whenever my withdrawel headache comes. Hope to detox from coffee within a week.
Started today with my vocal toning, then had an apple and herbal tea. Have a head of lettuce, carrots and more fruit to bring to work - Also will make brown rice at work.

Brahmin

I had a discussion with my niece last night about Hare Krishnas who are at her school. They are very exclusionary - Krishna good, anything else bad, just like fundamentalist Christians about Jesus. This is not basic to Hinduism -- basic Hindu beliefs accept any diety as a manifistation of God.
I was reading some of the Vedas last night called The Upanishads- they are 2500 years old,, which impresses me - It is a huge collection of writings - I have never seen a complete collection. The 1st one - Isa Upanishad starts:

All is perfect, so perfectly perfect!
Whatever being lives, moves
And breathes on Earth
At every level from atom
To galaxy is absolutely perfect in its place

Nightmares continue - It is very intense being around my family - talking about things that happened years ago. No bad things being mentioned, but obviously some repressed trauma. It's not anything I can't deal with - actually interesting that it is happening at all.
I dreamed I was in the stockade again the other evening. Very powerful. I have been doing little than eating, drinking coffee, talking with family. I have been avoiding all exercises opportunities and not practicing music either. It all seems so stupefying.

Dreams

Very powerful dreams this week and especially last night. I was in Athenas temple - a cave - there were lions - I was saved by a youth -male -very beautiful - he wrapped his arms around me and left me but his magic spell protected me.
Obvious dream interpretation - my mother was Athena - lions were my brother and his family - the youth I don't know, perhaps my wife/son.
Earlier a very scary dream of scattered comic book drug symbolism.
When I come home, I plan to go on a food plan - eliminate coffee, sugar and wheat. Lot's of salads, rice - eliminate the bacon and eggg sandwich in the morning will be hard. I might have to let work just go to hell while I detox.

Rag

Trying to practice Hindustani classical music. I am trying to memorize the words, rhythms, etc. It is very hard for me. I have been working on counting the rhythm out by hand, memorizing the lyrics, getting the fast passages to fit in with the rhythm. These are pieces I have been working on for months, but I feel I have this opportunity while on vacation to make a concerted effort. So far:

Svajama mangala kaama / shar matee je avi raama

But I still forget the second part sometimes. And this is 1/4 of the basic lyrics without the variations. After 3 days of work.

Anjali Nandakar

Learning as we grow older. In my Hindustani music class I am very jealous of the young children who just soak it up right away. They aren't even old enough to read and they are getting the music much better than I can. I'll be away for a few weeks and will be practicing my lessons.
The teacher is Anjali Nandakar and her lessons are posted on the internet http://www.nandedkar.com/raga/. She has mp3 files of each lesson and printed music in the Sa Re Ga Ma style, which is like our Do Re Mi Fa. Interesting music to listen to, even if one is not studying the music. They are not professional recordings but she has a lovely voice. The songs are usually in praise of some aspect of god. The one I am working on now is called Kaffee - it is very beautiful. The very first part of the recording is just the scale - then the song starts. The beginnings of the songs are all at slow or moderate tempo. Towards the end they get very fast. Thats the part I have problems with!

A friend shared this poem with me

THE DAISY FOLLOWS SOFT THE SUN
by: Emily Dickinson (1830-1886)

The daisy follows soft the sun,
And when his golden walk is done,
Sits shyly at his feet.
He, waking, finds the flower near.
"Wherefore, marauder, art thou here?"
"Because, sir, love is sweet!"

We are the flower, Thou the sun!
Forgive us, if as days decline,
We nearer steal to Thee,--
Enamored of the parting west,
The peace, the flight, the amethyst,
Night's possibility!

It reminds me of the Thomas Moore song - some consider it corny, but I've always love it.

Believe Me If All Those Endearing Young Charms

Believe me if all those endearing young charms which I gaze on so fondly today
Were to change by tomorrow and melt in my arms like fairy gifts fading away.
Thou wouds't still be adored, as this moment thou art let thy loveliness fade as it will
And around the dear ruin each wish of my heart, would entwine itself verdantly still.

It is not while beauty and youth are thine own, and thy cheeks unprofaned by a tear,
That the fervor and faith of a soul can be known, to which time will but make thee more dear.
Oh, the heart that has truly loved never forgets, but as truly loves on to the close
As the sun flower turns on her god when he sets, the same look which she turned when he rose.

Radha - Krishna

Radha and Krishna - the story of divine love. Krishna is the eighth avatar of Vishnu. Rama, his predecessor was the seventh. Rama and his wife Sita are the perfect archetypal Hindu family. Krishna and Radha are romantic and illicit love - yet Rama/Krishna and Sita/Radha are just incarnations of each other.

The story goes that Sita was kidnapped. Rama was looking for her in the forest and came across some 16,000 sages (reishis) who lived there. The sages were surprised to discover that they were actually physically attracted to him. Rama explained that after a lifetime of suppressing physical desires they were close to being liberated and that they must confront and conquer their desires. The way this happened is that the sages were all reborn as milkmaids (gopis) and were in love with him as Krishna. Radha was the most beautiful of the gopis and Krishna's favorite. Radha was not Krishna's wife - she was his girlfriend. It is unclear whether Krishna had physical sex with the gopis. In some storeys Krishna is a toddler, in some a teenager. But all stories agree that Krishna satisfied them with "ecstatic union"

In some stories Krishna and Radha just enjoy an illicit love affair, in some they are a single entity rescuing humanity from our present-day age of strife called the Kali Yuga. In others the other gopis become secure in Krishnas love and think they can control him and he leaves them for Radha. In another Radha threatens suicide because Krishna is leaving her. She succeeds and is reborn as Satyabhama and becomes Krishna's second wife.
Later writings bring Radha and Krishna back to being one. Radha is seen as higher than Krishna because hers is a perfect example of how to love with total dedication. She proves that God can be approached through the vehicle of love.

Kirtan

A wonderful Kirtan at Namaste yoga tonight led by Prema.
A very high point for me was when Arundati led a chant. Her chanting always sends me into outer space (in a good way). I was playing the violin. At some point I started changing my bowing so that I was pressing down on the strings and changing the notes as I was pressing. The change of bow stroke sometime's happened in the middle of a phrase, which gave it an interesting rythm. It's hard to explain, but it was a different way of working with the rhythm and the bowing than I have ever done before. Magical things like this always happen when I play with Arundati. A very magical evening.

I've had some trouble sleeping lately. Too much caffeine and too many projects. I will start a "to do" list today.
I have friends that have been short on sleep also - on the computer late at night and early in the morning. I want to tell them - don't worry, everything is allright. Have faith and trust - get your rest.
I think I should start taking my own advice.

I haven't been to Kirtan at Namaste Yoga in awhile - Hope to go Monday at 7:30. I missing seeing people I care about.

I have also posted this to Lusk Family Deli blog http://lusksdeli.blogspot.com/
I spent Saturday tooling around Bay Ridge, NY where I grew up on a bicycle. Roberto was at a heavy metal concert in NJ and I had 7 hours to kill. Parking was really hard, lots of traffic and cars double parked. But finally parked on 3rd ave and 99th st. I wasn't sure about how legal it was so I rode back frequently to check on the car. I notice that from 5th ave and 95th st by the car service, you really can't see the house anymore - building in the way. I went by the terrace. Spoke with Mr. Caufield who sends his regards to everyone. He remarked that Bay Ridge is overbuilt now. Also he hasn't heard from Rich Hansen in a long time and wonders if he is OK. The people at the old family home 9420 were leaving - I said a brief hello - they were friendly enough. I noticed a fair amount of parking places down on Ft. Hamilton parkway near St. John's. I rode by the cannonball park where I would play as a kid, then along Shore Road - up above, not below, took my chances at the public rest room where the buses wait, was freaked out by a strange guy, I later figured out was a bus driver. There are 3 tennis courts down there in good condition. A lot of the park was in poor condition though, stone work and steps crumbling.
I got back in my car - wanted to go around 86th st but there was no parking to be had. The 86th st and 5th Ave Pizza stand is still there. I zig zaged down to the store, finally going on Ridge blvd to avoid traffic. Found a spot on 71st. Remember those maple trees there with the bark that falls off? I went to Lusk's Deli was - now a Tex Mex Taco stand. I asked an oriental girl behind the counter if I could get a look at the back - explaining who I was and why I was there of course.. She said no very nicely. The managers name is Lee, but he is never there.
Third Avenue has bigger trees and is more shaded. I only had my cell phone camera - It will take me time to get them on my computer - I think I have to e-mail them to myself. I took a few shots of store fronts. From 72nd st I took a shot of the tulip tree that you could see from the stores back yard. I had a piece of pizza from the deli on 71st st. Went by Mikes Deli on 72, which is now called something else, owned by someone named John, but it's an old fashioned deli, just like it used to be and had a yoo hoo. Hardly anyone remembers the Lusk's Deli. They think their uncles or fathers might know. Lento's is closed. Costinitos fish market is still there - they were friendly. I saw Flagg Court and the building across the street where I made my first delivery to Mr. Mahr - age 9 maybe?
This was a strong lesson in impermanence. Business's closing and people dying I understand. Memories fading I have more trouble with.

I need to make this trip about every 5 years.

Robert

Picture

I found a picture of Saraswati on the back of a calendar card - cut it down and put it in my wallet. Religous icons are a whole subject in themselve, but I have always been attracted to pictures of Saraswati. And it's always nice to have a picture of somone you care about.

I have a huge picture of her on a wall at home, I have her on my cell phone and now in my wallet

Malenguana con Violin

I brought my violin with me for the 1st time to the Wed lunch at Washington Manor where I play background music on guitar. I have resisted singing there or bringing any other instruments on purpose. I know I could probably give a much better show that way but I have visualized this as a place where I work on solo guitar playing without anything else overshadowing it. It is a very hard room to play in. I play in a corner, which give a natural amphitheater effect, but there is a lot of room noise, people talking, the sounds of eating, TV on the far side of the room, radio in the kitchen, car noise right outside the window, etc. Actually playing anything in that room without amplification is an accomplishment.

So as I say, I have resisted bringing other instruments, but today I had a personal, private tragedy and felt the violin calling to me. This is of course, my Krishna violin. I was afraid that the violin would have such a strong sound that the guitar would sound like a toy in comparison. It didn't. I knew that it would take me a little while to get a good sound from the violin and it did. At first it sounded very thin. I tightened my bow so that I could bear down on the string more and that helped. I remember at Old Songs this year, a woman playing my bow for me and she tightened it a lot more that I usually do. I am not used to having so much sound come from a bow and I was probably under tightening it to compensate. Now I realize that I have better control when it is tighter and I can lighten up the sound by adjusting grip - still learning how to do that. It is a relatively new bow and a good one, but I don't really know how to control it very well, so I have been looking for opportunities to practice with it.

So I played guitar for awhile - just to set the sound ambiance in the room. It was very noisy for awhile. After it quieted down I took out the fiddle. Played a few tunes - mostly waltzes on the low strings so it wouldn't sound too shrill. I was very afraid that the shrill sound of the high strings would bother people. As I said it sounded thin until I tightened my bow. By the time I had decided to switch back to guitar it was a little fuller, but not like it is in my living room. No one applauded the violin. They rarely applaud anything, and I don't expect it but I usually there will be smiles on people's faces and there will be a kind comment or two.

I played a lot of blues today on the guitar, played a request for my bastardized version of "Malenguena" and also played one of my favorites "Forbidden Games".

Then I decided to try the violin again. It went better this time - I ventured onto the high strings and played some faster tunes. I was really enjoying myself. I could only describe my playing as "rusty", but it was a good rusty. I'm really relearning everything because of my new bow. I have a far greater ability to play fast passages and get more sound out of slow passages, but it all feels brand new. I certainly did things today on the fiddle I've never done before and I also did things in different ways than I've ever done them before. By the time I went back to guitar again I was very satisfied with the sound of the fiddle. Not as loud as I had hoped (like in my dining room), but good enough. It's a real hard room to play in. I am thinking of bringing a small amp for the guitar and I may bring the violin some day again.

Myers-Briggs

I had done a Myers-Briggs Scale a few years ago. The first time it came back ENFP. I redid it and the scores were INFP I= 11-22, N= 62, F= 12-25, P= 22-33. My ideal mate was a ENFJ. I just looked back to check. This was not a professionally done test - it was on the internet. I'll have to leave the interpretation to others.

Just saw a romantic movie on TV, "Until Sunrise". Two young people meet on a train in Europe and spend the night walking around Vienna, talking and getting to know each other. It was very well done. Hard to do a movie that is just dialogue. At the end as they parted, you weren't sure if they were going to reconnect again or not. It seemed as if you were going to be left emotionally hanging, but the last image is the girl smiling and that gave a feeling of completness.

Amichee will be in NYC and I won't get to see her. Or Barum Kumar Pal on Saturday. I have to take my son to a heavy metal concert in NJ. I don't have to hear the concert, but it is a day out of my life in which I would rather do other things. I know I'll bring project materials to work on - perhaps practice some vocal ragas in the car. But boy I really don't want to do this.

I don't know why I have such trouble taking care of my health. I know what to do. I shouldn't drink coffee or have anything with sugar dairy or wheat in it. If I just did that I know I would have a lot more energya and lose weight. I have done it before for sporadic periods of time. I didn't drink coffee for years. Dairy I'm pretty good at staying away from. It's wheat and sugar that i am so addicted to. It really impacts my voice.

Sometimes words can't express feelings. Blogs are nice but they can only go so far. Sometimes we have to experience feelings rather than just talk about them.

It's a hap, hap happy day!

Saugerties Parade

The Town of Saugerties, NY 4th of July Parade was awesome! It took a long time to get to the starting area. Traffic was jammed all throughout the town. I was there an hour early, but it wasn't early enough. Even though it was cloudy and cool the whole town was setting out their lawn chairs and getting ready. It really felt like a piece of 1800's Americana. I was marching with the Peace and Justice Coalition. A lot of Veteran for Peace members were there.

[I'm purposely not mentioning any people's names. This reads as if it is all about me - I know that, but there are reasons.]

I've been playing in parades for years, both as a marcher and amplified on floats. This time I was a marcher. I was worried about several things. 1st being able to walk that far. I am very out of shape and to sing while you are walking is very cardiovascular. It can feel great, but also wipe me out very quickly. Then there was being able to sing full voice for that long. I had ricola, water and "entertainer's Secret" throat spray but singing full voice is very different from singing into microphones. OK when done right and when you are used to doing it all the time - a potential strain when you're not. I could tell as I was driving in that it is a fairly long parade route. There are other problematical things when you play in parades - where to keep the banjo case, will there be an amplified or marching band either right before or after us, where to keep the water bottle, etc.

Before we started I met a few fellow musicians that were with other groups - made some future contacts. They were two banjo players, Herb and John. None of us knew each other, but we had some quick conversations and talked about getting in touch in the future.

I was playing my Pete Seeger 5 string long neck banjo. It works much better in the rain than a guitar. In parades I play it with a flatpick, like a 4 string plectrum. It carries pretty far and helps keep the rhythm.

The Peace and Justice Coalition had 3 cars and several banners, a lot of signs. Probably about 20 people all together. When I first got there I was told we would only sing one song the whole parade route "Give Peace a Chance" but that I would get a chance to do some "solos". I said I didn't want to do solos, that I was there to support group singing. While we were waiting two women started singing "Study War No More". I found their key and played along on the banjo. Then we sang a few other songs, "This Little Light of Mine" and"Strangest Dream". In back of us was a union group. I went back to them and sang some Union Songs just to warm up. They were slightly shocked, but seemed to like them.

I worked on pacing myself, drinking water, using throat spray. Things went pretty well. After warming up my voice felt very strong. All along the parade route people were applauding when they saw us. Participants were also handing out literature to the crowd as we went along. "Give Peace a Chance" worked well as a song to do between other songs. I could sing it softly, do a little harmony, keep it going, but still rest my voice. We also did "This Land is Your Land", "God Bless America" and "America the Beautiful". There was some discussion about singing "God Bless America" but I made the point that we shouldn't let the other side co opt our patriotism.

At times my voice was working really well with high notes. I was generating some vocal harmonics I had never done before. Most of the time I'm in a mid-range baritone. About 1/3 the way along the route I used a Ricola. It started to drizzle, but not too badly. I need to expand my repertoire of marching songs. It's a lot easier when the words are in front of me. At some point a fellow marcher tried to get my attention. I had thought she was going to give me some words to verses of "This Land is Your Land", as I was wracking my brain trying to think of them. Instead she was telling me that we should do some of the "political verses". Well we would have if we could have remembered them!

My voice started giving out about the 1/2 way mark, before we got to the reviewing stand. But I was able to marshal my resources and generate some sound as we were going past. I made a conscious decision not to pull any punches. A friend had told me that he wasn't going to come today because he felt they wouldn't like his "Impeach" sign. I assured him that they would. He didn't come, but with that in mind, I sang "Bush and Cheny have to go, we need peace today!" I'm not sure if it was too strong and blatant a statement or not, but I figured I had exerted that much energy, I might as well make the strongest statement I could. As part of the community I think we have a right to have our side heard from.

I fell apart about 3/4 the way through and missed a few lines, but gathered the energy again for the last long stretch back to Cantine Field. Those of us in the front of the contingent stopped by the side of the rode and sang for the members who were in the cars. By then it was raining steadily so there wasn't time to schmooze with people. I drove home stopping for a gyro along the way, took it easy the rest of the day. I was surprised a day or two late when I tried to sing something and my voice wouldn't behave. (It was not a performance).

My singing style in the march is pretty unique. It's something that has developed over the years from singing in chorus in grade school to doing music therapy sing a longs with developmentally disabled adults. The instrument is secondary - I actually use my voice to lead the other voices around me. It doesn't really show off my voice as it would as a solo singer, but it is effective. Sometimes if the other singers are off key, I go off key for a moment as a way of drawing them into key.

I was very pleased with myself for being able to do this the whole way successfully. Probably too proud, but I know it's something most singers would not know how to do. It's a talent that has never helped me in the commercial music world, but it nice being able to show off once in a while.

I was at Kirtan at Namaste Yoga tonight. Shaymdas was leading. I have mentioned before about how going to one of his Kirtan's a year ago inspired me to purchase a fiddle after swearing fiddles off several times due to neck and shoulder problems.
This afternoon I was speaking to a friend about going and she told me "You can't sit in with Shayamdas - nobody sits in with Shaymdas". Well I knew that this wasn't true because I had sat in with him a year ago right after getting this fiddle and he was very amiable. But when I got to Namaste another friend was there and he said "You can't sit in with Shaymdas, he does his own thing!"
Well, I tell you the pangs of insecurity were knocking. I mean these were people who like me! Who are generally supportive of me. Was I letting my ego get in the way? I mean, who the hell am I to think I can just sit in with a Kirtan wallah of his stature? I took some of my raga music over to the garden in the church next door and played to myself for about 10 minutes. Then I felt a need to go back to the yoga studio, but no one was there but my friend. Shaymdas was late and I sat around for 15 minutes rehearsing how I would approach him. I sat in my usual spot. Near the musicians area, but slightly to the side, so I could be a musician or audiance member if need be. When Shaymdas finally arrived I helped bring equipment in and then waited till he had taken care of his basic chores - tuning drum that his wife was playing, setting up mike and harmonium, etc. I leaned foward, getting his attention and asked if it was allright for me to play along on violin. He said sure and we were off.
At fist I put a mute on the violin, but after a few minutes took it off because I didn't like the sound. Violins are always scratchy when you first take the mute off and are adjusting to the natural sound. I worked through that and I was fine.
Most local Kirtan people play in a variety of keys or "Sa's". The violin needs to be in standard western tuning to play in a variety of keys. I knew from last year that Shyam used one Sa, which was close to C or C# so I had my fiddle tuned Indian style, which is Ma, Sa, Ma, Sa. I had practiced ragas and some Kirtan pieces like this. It is very close to American Old Tymey tuning. But this was the first time I had ever played a whole evening in that tuning. It was great. I was pretty conservative, mostly doubling melody, which is what I usually do, but there are times that Shaym sings harmony with himself and I was able to take off then. Not sure what I was doing, but it felt right. I also played in some of the upper positions, which I almost never do. I think that this tuning might make it a lot easier to play the upper positions. It will take practice to find out, but overall it was a very rewarding evening.
That may have sounded like all technique stuff, but it was intermixed with a strong sense of devotion that was the them of the whole evening. The devotion of the Gopis and Radha for Krishna. I felt and experienced all of that while the technical things were happening. There were several times I was just lost in a cloud playing whatever my hands wanted to do. I felt totally in sync with Shyam and the universe. Hare Krishna.

Whale Song

I had a really wonderful vocal toning class last week with George and Diane. We toned along with recordings. The favorite seemed to be a recording of whales. Afterwards we toned while walking around the room with our eyes shut. There was definitely a "whale like" experience of sensing each other's presence by the sound of our voices. At the very end when we opened our eyes, we had positioned ourselves to form a perfect triangle.

DOES EVERYONE REALLY CREATE THEIR OWN REALITY?

I get e-mails and notices from a wide variety of people - this one struck me as something that while perhaps not profound, needs to be said more frequently.

DOES EVERYONE REALLY CREATE THEIR OWN REALITY?
William Bloom - Cygnus Magazine
Over the years it has been an honor for me to advance and defend new age and holistic spirituality. I love its open-mindedness, its embrace of metaphysics and the way it combines spiritual work with healthcare. But I have also despaired at times about its apparent lack of morality and compassion when faced with the realities of people's suffering. This coldness is often explained away with half-baked ideas about how energies, karma and the laws of attraction work. This often reach a peak of disturbing smugness when a new age 'philosopher' faced with cruel suffering says authoritatively: 'People create their own reality' or 'Their soul chose it - its their karma' or 'Everything is perfect in God's Plan - you just need to perceive it differently'. People who say such things seem to have no idea how smug and nasty they sound. Nor of the hurt they cause.
Fourteen years ago I had a lower back crisis in which three disks herniated and a tendon tore. The pain was as high on the scale as it can go. I was bed-ridden, then on sticks and it took seven years to recover. Early on, as I hobbled awkwardly on sticks, a new age woman came up to me, poked her face in mine and loudly stated, 'You know what Louise Hay says about lower back crises, don't you!' She was typical of many. A friend recently had a severe heart crisis, was suddenly taken to hospital and told that his life was at risk. He told me that what really frightened him was the thought of informing his spiritual friends, because they would use it as an opportunity to be self-righteous and tell him what he was getting wrong in his life.
Of course in both my and his case there were good lessons to be learned, but our life or mobility were threatened and we deserved compassionate friendliness. Isn't spiritual development about increasing compassion and love? It does not help to have someone chiming, 'You asked for it. Told you so.' Even if we did create those illnesses, kindness and support are needed so that we can begin to understand the process..
These minor examples of personal distress are nothing compared to the more dramatic tragedies being endured on the world stage. What follows is recent testimony from a woman at the centre of the Darfur crisis (New Internationalist, June 2007):
'My baby boy was thrown on the fire in front of me. My daughter was older. They thought she was a boy so they slaughtered her too - they snapped her neck like a chicken. Some of the children they threw down a well …. After they raped the women they cut off their breasts to make them suffer. They used those of us who were left as donkeys.' Her experience is not unique. Recently too there has been the incident of the little girl kidnapped in Portugal, the tip of an iceberg of the sexual abuse faced by hundreds of thousands of children every day, not to mention the thirty thousand children who daily die of starvation. In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart. Anne Frank. Surely all this suffering can only be approached with stillness, humility and wisdom of the heart. Not with half-baked metaphysics and denial. It is pure ignorance, shameful and cold-hearted emotional cruelty to suggest
that these women and children asked for this destiny, deserved it, chose it or created their own reality. It completely misunderstands karma and the laws of attraction. There is a frequent error of assuming that souls have complete control and choice over their incarnations. New souls entering for the first time, for example, may simply be drawn to where there is a newly conceived fetus.
They may have no choice but to participate in the collective rhythm and cycle. There are more dynamics in incarnation than simple choice. Equally we do not create our lives in isolation. We pass through collective historical and karmic events over which we may have little individual power. We are participants as souls and as biological creatures in a constellation of relationships that includes our species, our gender, our family, our ancestors, our ethnicity and faith. Our parents and children, for example, are within us, as we are also within them. We are not just individual souls creating our own individual lives and futures. We are also subjects of the group soul and our histories and futures are entwined. As a species we have created a shared karma of suffering, and it is as a collective that we experience, redeem and heal it. The collective affects even the most forceful individual.
The redemption of all this lies in the fact that each of us has the freedom and power to adopt our own inner attitude regardless of circumstances. I am inspired, for example, by the Catholic priests who chose the way of self-sacrifice and walked with their Jewish parishioners into the Nazi gas chambers.
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Edmund Burke

It is also completely banal and naïve to suggest that everything in God's world is good and that it is all a matter of perception. Faced with the reality of a three-year old child being sexually abused, it is simply not possible to make such a statement and be moral. It is in facing reality,
not denying it, being in our hearts, that we grow and become wiser. At the same time I fully appreciate how difficult it is to be fully present to suffering. For some people it is overwhelming because it triggers their own pain. But sooner or later on the spiritual path we have to develop the courage and strength to stay stable and loving when faced with these horrors. In the words of Carl Jung: "One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."
All my love
William
http://www.williambloom.com/
*
William Bloom is one of the UK’s most experienced teachers, healers and authors in the field of holistic development. His work has helped thousands of people. His mainstream career includes a doctorate in psychology from the LSE where he lectured in Psychological Problems in International Politics, ten years working with adults and adolescents with special needs, and
delivering hundreds of trainings, many in the NHS. His holistic background includes a two-year spiritual retreat living amongst the Saharan Berbers in the High Atlas Mountains, 30 years on the faculty of the Findhorn Foundation, co-founder and director for 10 years of the St. James’s Church Alternatives Programme in London. He is a meditation master and his books include the seminal "The Endorphin Effect", "Feeling Safe and Psychic Protection" – and most recently
"Soulution: The Holistic Manifesto". He is director of The Holism Network and well known for his clear, practical and friendly style of teaching. William Bloom will be the keynote speaker at the ORBS: Great Rethinking Conference to take place at the Glastonbury Town Hall, Glastonbury, England July 11-13, 2008 (more information on this event coming soon).
----------------------------------------------------
CONTACT:
The Prophets Conference
axiom@greatmystery.org
www.greatmystery.org
Toll free tel: (1) 888.777.5981 (USA and Canada)

Chanting on You Tube

This is a short video my son Roberto made when I was chanting at Mirabai Books in Woodstock in 2005. I just fouhd the file on my computer and uploaded it to You Tube!

Vocal Toning

I started my vocal toning workshops at Dutchess Community College. A very nice ,diverse group of people in the class.
How wonderful to be toning again. At some point I felt myself engulfed by Bhrama. I saw starry skies and a sense of void, but it was warm, peaceful and full of life.
Thank you Lord for this gift.

I've know for a long time that I have problems when it comes to women. I'm a fat, baldish 60 year old that can't help but look at women critically. If they have the slightest imperfection in their body or face I notice it - and judge them for it. If I got help with anything from seeing Mother Meera, it was with this. Her's is not stereotypical beauty. She has a lot of facial hair, moles, etc. It's impossible to tell what the rest of her body looks like. There are many pictures of her on the net and elsewhere and some of them appear to have been airbrushed or taken when she was much younger. This picture is one I would have rejected a few weeks ago.
After my darshan with her, I found myself looking at women with different eyes. Sometimes I suprise myself by how little I care now about a womans' outward beauty. The feelings come and go, but something is different.

Singing with Mother

There seem to be no songs to Mother Meera. She does her darshan in silence. but I have been using her for guidance when I've been singing and it has been very helpful. I try to think of her and let the music flow by itself. If I'm upset, I'll just say "Mother Meera Loves You" and everything starts to work. The words (or non-verbal notes) come out honestly, meaningful, with character and spirit.
I forgot to bring an instrument at Woodstock Kirtan the other evening, so I just sat and sang thinking of Meera. It was great. I've always been afraid to let my voice out at Kirtan, since I am so loud, I don't want to distract others. Monday it didn't seem to make a difference.

I have a darshan appoointment with Mother Meera in two weeks. I had put her picture up in my office next to Amichee's. Then she came to me the other evening. It was the voice of a young girl, saying "excuse me" as she entered the core of my being. I marveled at the experience of having another person, especially a woman inside of me, and experiencing her reactions to the world, seeing things with her eyes. It's also a comfort, knowing she is there. Some initial conflict as my job is working with many people who are bothered by internal voices, but I think I'm accepting it. It is a blessing.
She is discouraging me from drinking coffee, which I have been trying to give up for a long time. Today she told me to get a salad, which I did. I added two pieces of pizza to it, but still there was the salad - which I'm eating now.
They say her darshan is in silence. I have been experiencing wonderful silences. Just diving inside my head and seeing what is there. It feels counterintuitive, having been devoted to Sarasvati, sound and music all these years. I read something from someone who was talking about their being silences between the notes. That shall be interesting.

VOCAL TONING WORKSHOPS

Dutchess Community College
53 Pendell Road
Poughkeepsie, NY 12601

VOCAL TONING WORKSHOPS
led by
Bhaav Ram (Bob Lusk)

These are participatory workshops and all participants will learn to create a variety of vocal tones including harmonic overtones. Vocal Toning is a non-verbal conscious elongation of sounds, using the breath and voice. It has applications for meditation, movement and musical performance. It is used for ceremonies and rituals in many traditional cultures including Mongolia and Tibet. Toning does not strain the voice. As with other forms of vocal production, it is healthy exercise and helps oxygenate the body and expand the lung capacity. Toning is more "free form" than singing and doesn't require previous vocal training, although many singers find that learning toning techniques has expanded their repertoire of techniques.

1. General principles – This session will introduce the history of toning, help group members make their first tones and introduce techniques for modifying vowel sounds and making harmonic overtones.

2. Expanded practice – We will discuss the concept of “intention” when making sounds, discuss and practice sending sound to the chakra centers in the body and the use of toning with meditation, movement and healing practices

3. Styles of toning. - Using demonstrations and recordings and this session will focus on accompaniment and solo styles used in Tibetian chant, Tuvan throat singing, American Gospel, and modern New Age performing groups.

4. Vocal toning performance – The final session will give an safe space for participants to create their own vocal toning composition and to participate in a group toning experience.


Workshops will meet in Poughkeepsie for 4 Tuesdays,
June 5 to June 26, from 7:30-9:00 pm
fee $95
To register call 431-8916

Memorial Service

I sang Phil Och's "When I'm Gone" for my father-in-law Sam Boyce's funeral service on Saturday. Here are the words as I sang them-

There's no place in this world where I'll belong when I'm gone
And I won't know the right from the wrong when I'm gone
And you won't find me singin' on this song when I'm gone
So I guess I'll have to do it while I'm here

And I won't feel the flowing of the time when I'm gone
All the pleasures of love will not be mine when I'm gone
My pen won't pour out a lyric line when I'm gone
So I guess I'll have to do it while I'm here

And I won't breathe the bracing air when I'm gone
And I can't even worry 'bout my cares when I'm gone
Won't be asked to do my share when I'm gone
So I guess I'll have to do it while I'm here

And I won't be running from the rain when I'm gone
And I can't even suffer from the pain when I'm gone
Can't say who's to praise and who's to blame when I'm gone
So I guess I'll have to do it while I'm here

Won't see the golden of the sun when I'm gone
And the evenings and the mornings will be one when I'm gone
Can't be marching against the guns when I'm gone
So I guess I'll have to do it while I'm here

All my days won't be dances of delight when I'm gone
And the sands will be shifting from my sight when I'm gone
Can't add my name into the fight while I'm gone
So I guess I'll have to do it while I'm here

And I won't be laughing at the lies when I'm gone
And I can't question how or when or why when I'm gone
Can't live proud enough to die when I'm gone
So I guess I'll have to do it while I'm here

I can't build a garden when I'm gone
I can't build a rock wall when I'm gone
And I know I can't build a house when I'm gone
So I guess I'll have to do it while I'm here

And I can't play with the kids when I'm gone
And I can't love my Jean when I'm gone
And I can't jump into the pond when I'm gone
So I guess I'll have to do it while I'm here

I wrote the last two verses. He loved to be the first one in the pond each year, sometimes as early as February. He was a doer. He didn't talk much and hated to dither around about things. He was an incredible lyrical writer though. His wife Jean is donating letters he wrote to her from Germany during WWII to the Library of Congress.

Singing at his service was hard for me to do. I know I nailed the song technically. A lot of people told me so that it moved them to tears. But I was almost resentful that I didn't screw it up. It would have made it more real for me somehow. I have sung at a lot of funerals and this was not an unexpected death- he had been ill for a long time - but this was a man who will be missed by a lot of people. Including me.

Lesson in Love

I have been overwhelmed by seeing my inlaws interact as he is going through the last stages of Parkinsons. Married 60 years, with 5 children. Sitting alone with them in the hospital room their love is a tangible thing one could reach out and touch. As real as a table or chair. I feel blessed to be with them.

Changes

Interesting how things change. I'm still having problems with my hand, but my voice has cleared up.
Christmas Eve I was given a gift. Looking through a yoga book by Swami Rama I found a section on "Laya", which is listening internally. Such a wonderful concept. I have always had trouble meditating, waiting for stillness, but listening internally it comes!

Here is the article -

Laya Yoga: Meditation on Internal Sounds
By Swami Rama

Laya yoga is the absorption of the mind in sound. The goal of this practice is to alter one's normal awareness of self by focusing on hearing an internal, mystic sound. The mind will become steady and absorbed in the sound on which it focuses. In space, sound is produced by the movement of sound waves in the air. So, too, in the body, there are currents that flow and produce sound when one practices pranayama.

To do this practice, sit in siddhasana and focus the attention on the spot between the eyebrows. Turn the eyes upward and let the lids remain closed. The eyes, ears, nose, and mouth should be closed. With a calm and controlled mind listen for a sound in the right ear, and eventually you will hear a clear sound. In the beginning the sounds will be very loud and varied, but with continued practice they will become increasingly subtle. At first one may hear sounds that seem to pound and surge, like the beating of a kettledrum. After some time, in the intermediate stage, the sounds will resemble those produced by a conch shell, or by bells. Finally, after further practice, the sounds will resemble tinkling noises, the sound of a flute, or the hum of bees. All of these sounds are produced within and cannot be heard by anyone else. One should practice being aware of both the loud and subtle sounds, alternating and varying one's awareness from one to the other, so that the mind will not be inclined to wander.

When the student's mind is intently engaged in listening to these sounds, he becomes captivated by them and overcomes all distractions. As a result of this practice, the mind gives up its outwardly directed activity and becomes calm, desiring no objects of sense gratification. The mind and breath become refined and one's attention is focused within. Then the yogi forgets all external objects and loses consciousness of himself, and the mind is absorbed in bliss. The absorption that is produced when the mind enters the sound (nada) emanates spiritual powers and a sort of ecstasy, and one forgets his whole material existence. If one desires to attain this state of union, one should practice listening to the anahata sound in the heart with a calm and concentrated mind. When the mind focuses on the sound, it becomes steady. Mental activity is suspended when the mind is absorbed in the sound. The accomplished aspirant interpenetrates the anahata sound and attains the state of samadhi through this method, laya yoga.

These internal sounds can be heard only by those whose nadis are free from impurities and who are well practiced in pranayama. The anahata sound comes from sushumna, and, as with other sounds, it cannot be heard by the aspirant until this nadi is free from all impurities. Thus the practice of concentration and absorption with nada (sound) is only possible after considerable preparation. A beginner can instead perform bhramari kumbhaka, in which a humming sound resembling a bee drone is produced in one's throat. This practice requires breath control, so that the breath may be exhaled very slowly, producing the sound for a significant length of time.
Just as focusing the awareness on the eyes produces special powers of vision, directing one's awareness to the ears allows one to detect special sounds. By directing the full force of one's attention to these senses, the deeper powers develop. Directing the thoughts to any particular sense of the body awakens one's conscious awareness of the powers that correspond to that sense. Concentration upon the organs of the body that are involved in any practice increases their power and sensitivity, and intensifies and strengthens that organ system.

Concentration shows itself in five progressive mental stages: analysis, reflection, bliss, ecstasy, and meditation. The first stage is one of gaining knowledge about the nature of the object. The second step is that of pure reflection; here the lower stage of analysis is transcended. In the third stage, the power of reflection gives way to a blissful state of consciousness, which later merges into the pure ecstasy of the fourth stage. In the fifth stage, one losses awareness of all sensation and external awareness gives way to a state of complete meditation. In samadhi, there is neither seeing nor hearing, neither physical nor mental consciousness; pure existence and total absorption on the absolute is experienced.

The True Holiday Tradition: Defy Authority!

Sent to me from Danielle Woerner

This is a really fine essay. In the spirit of what it suggests:
Happy Christmas!
Love,
Danielle
---------------------------------

Subject: The True Holiday Tradition: Defy Authority!
RJ Eskow
12.23.2006, Huffington Post
Celebrate Christmas the Old-Fashioned Way: Defy Authority!

It's 2000 years later and they still haven't been able to kill the revolutionary message of Christmas. God knows they've tried. The Powers That Be will never be comfortable with The Power That Is. That Power - whether you call it God, or Consciousness, or Scientific Principle - is universal and freely available to all. That makes it subversive to centralized authority.

"It's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter Heaven." If that's true - literally true - where do you think the leadership of the Republican Party will be spending eternity?

That's why so many churches have aligned themselves against the message of Jesus Christ, time and again. Over the ages they've thrown their support to Caesar, to Franco, or to Bush. But the subversive message, Jesus' message of peace and of love for the poor and despised, lives on and on and on.

That message shares something with the One whose story is told on this day. Like Him it dies at the hands of the ecclesiastical authorities, only to rise again and live.

And they say there are no miracles.

"The spiritual life is not a theory," says one spiritual book. "It must be lived." Jesus said that over and over. To be Godly, he kept saying, you must do strive to do Godlike things. That's not a comfortable "lifestyle choice." As I sang in my "leftist Christian hymn" a few months back, "it's an inconvenience to love Jesus."

That's true whether you're the kind of Christian who believes Jesus is the sole path to salvation, an atheist who admires his ethical principles, a Muslim who acknowledges Jesus as a great prophet, a Hindu who sees him as an avatar of Brahman, or a Jew who considers him a great Jewish teacher.

How tough is Jesus' message? Consider this: he instructed his followers to "love your enemies." Now think of your enemies. Are they the secular humanists? The Godless liberals? Or are they the Fox News crowd? George Bush? Dick Cheney?

He said "love them." Period.

Now think about this: Jesus has instructed you to love Osama Bin Laden, too. His orders are clear. He's told you to love Al Qaeda, and the men who beheaded Michael Berg too. You can resist them, but you have to love them. Do you call yourself a Christian? Call me back when you love Osama.

Peace on Earth. Good will toward All. Those aren't my words. They came with
the season.

There are those who have kept the real message of Jesus alive over the years and followed it to the best of their ability. One of my favorites was the Rev. Claude Williams, who went to Alabama in the 1920's to struggle for civil rights. That was an invitation to martyrdom in those days, but Rev. Williams was undeterred.

Once Rev. Williams raised his window shades during a holiday party at his house. The party included whites and blacks, men and women, mingling to share the Christmas spirit. Any white person passing by was likely to call for an immediate lynching party if he saw that mixed crowd. Torture and death was sure to follow. But Rev. Williams could not be deterred.

"Let the hypocrites see what it looks like to follow the Son of Man!" he roared at his guests. Williams, a Presbyterian minister, helped form the Southern Tenant Farmers Union.

Here's how he was rewarded for his Christian spirit: He was defrocked by his church. God can sure get in the way of a successful ministerial career, can't he?

The good reverend may not have been judicious, but one thing's for certain. He had the Christmas spirit, big-time. (Music fans will recognize the name of his granddaughter Lucinda Williams, who is now one of our country's best singers and songwriters. "The moral arc of the universe is long," said Dr. King, "but it bends toward Justice.")

The early Christian church was a model of revolutionary inspiration before the Powers That Be got hold of it. There was no priestly class. Communion was celebrated, well, communally. Women as well as men led worship services. What little they had was shared by all. They mixed nationalities and races without reservation.

That was the church that Christ and his disciples created, before the power brokers took over. The real point of the Sanhedrin story in the Bible isn't that Jews hated Jesus. They didn't, anti-Semites notwithstanding. The point of the story is that when religion is too organized, it gets bound up with politics and power and loses sight of the sacred. When Jesus turned water
into wine without priestly approval it was a revolutionary act.

Now the sons and daughters of some of those hypocrites who threatened Rev. Williams claim to speak for Christ. They are the American Sanhedrin. But the revolutionary message still won't die. It lived through the abolitionists who risked their lives to help slaves escape to freedom. it lived in Dorothy Day, the Catholic Socialist. It lived through Rev. Dr. King, Rev. E. D. Nixon, Rev. Ralph Abernathy, and the other divinely inspired civil rights leaders of the 1960's.

That message lived in Tom Fox, who suffered and died for his brave Christian witness against our unjust war in Iraq. It lived in anyone who, metaphorically, washed the feet of the sick and dying rather than live a life of idle comfort.

It lives in Kurt Vonnegut, a secular humanist who said of his predecessor as head of the American Humanist Society, "He's in heaven now." It was a joke to that group, and it got a big laugh. Yet Vonnegut wrote: "If Christ hadn't delivered the Sermon on the Mount, with its message of mercy and pity, I wouldn't want to be a human being."

The spirit of Christmas also lives in self-described "heathen" Jackson Browne. "If any one of us should interfere in the business of why there are poor," he sings, "they get the same as the rebel Jesus." The spirit of Christmas walks through Vonnegut's veins, and Jackson's, more than it does in a thousand political preachers. It shows itself in anyone who reaches out to the hated and the despised, the prostitutes and the junkies and street people. Jesus defended the "harlot" from stoning, after all.

When Jesus spoke to the woman at the well he defied all social convention against mixing between men and women, and "good" and "bad" people. That woman was living in sin, after all. Countless generations of Bible readers needed no more sign of her decadent life than the fact that she had been married five times. Why, that's even more than John McCain or Newt Gingrich! And, as for that "rich man" and heaven, consider our nation's wealth in comparison to the rest of the world. Aren't most Americans like the rich man in Jesus' saying? How can any of us enter the Kingdom of Heaven, whatever you imagine that to be, unless we struggle to reverse the devastating impact our greed has had on the rest of humanity - and the planet?

Remember. You're judged by your actions, not your words. That's what Jesus taught.

If you're a Literal Christian who believes people can only by saved by accepting Jesus as the Son of God, I've hope I haven't upset you. If I have, allow me to make a suggestion: Embrace His revolutionary message. People will be so moved and impressed by your actions that you'll get more converts than a thousand cable television shows could ever bring.
Or maybe I'm wrong, and you won't get any converts. But you'll have been true to the message, and helped some people in the bargain.
And if you're a fundamentalist who simply hates humanists and liberal Christians, here's how to get back at them once and for all. Try living as Jesus commanded. They'll probably die of shock.

Here's something I wrote a while back:

" The science of genetics tells us that .. most of us (are Jesus') cousins a few million removed - and therefore, of course, each other's." It's true. Jesus is your cousin. So is the homeless person asking you for spare change. So is Fidel Castro. And Tony Snow. And Osama Bin Laden.

If that doesn't mess with your head, what will?

Here's my wish for you. Have a Merry Christmas and a happy holiday in the
Spirit of the Season.
That Spirit, in a word, is Love.
And don't let the Powers That Be tell you otherwise.
________________________
I was hungry and you gave me food.
I was thirsty and you gave me drink.
I was a stranger and you welcomed me.
I was naked and you clothed me.
I was sick and you visited me.
I was in prison and you came to me.
- Matthew 25-35

***Be a link in a larger chain--if you see something interesting, pass it
along and share the wealth!***

Update

2 weeks later and still having trouble breathing. Still having trouble with my hand. This is such a lesson for me about impermanence. All my life I've wanted to play music. I haven't been very succesful at it. It seems the harder I work on it the further it gets from me. I may have to give up the reaching outward, the reaching inward, the striving. I'm too tired.

Krishna, Ram, Jesus help me.

From the Heart

This is probably the most honest of any of my blogs. There are lots of things I'm not willing to post publicly for one reason or another, but I'm trying to be as straight here as possible. A lot of my other pages are just promo, which is fine for what it is, and not dis-honest.

I was very unhappy with the way I led Kirtan last month. There were some problems beyond my control that evening, but if I had been better prepared, I would have been able to handle those problems better. I was too involved with my equipment which was distracting and was also not well rehearsed, especially on Ragapati.

I feel as if I have been on the wrong track for quite a few months now. I have had a lot of problems with my left hand from overuse, probably the fiddle triggered it off. "Trigger" is the right word. My left ring finger has become a "trigger"finger and locks into place painfully. I have tried physical therapy, occupational therapy, cranial sacric, chiropractic, ice, muscle relaxants, ibuprofen, castor oil, arthritis gels, etc, etc. Any new ideas appreciated!
It hasn't totally stopped me from playing, but severly limited it.

This finger problem started happening as I was starting to take Hindustani Classical Music lessons at the Hindu Samage in Wappingers. So I wasted a few weeks fixing up my fiddle with the right strings to play in G# tuning and now I can't keep up with the music - it's just too fast, I'm a lousy sight reader, it's in a foreign language, etc., etc.

Fine. So I adjusted myself to the concept of working on it vocally instead, knowing that if I can sing it, then I can figure out the instrumentation at a later time.

Now I've had bronchitis for a week, lost a week of work, too tired to do anything other than watch TV. So my Doctor put me on 60 mg of prednisone yesterday, so that I could breath. but prdenisone makes you hyper and I had no sleep last night but I planned out my life for the next 5 years - and now I have laryngitis and can barely talk. (Is it the illness or the prednisone?)

Backing up for a minute, last summer in a fit of instrument obsession, I slapped a steel plate on my Martin 12 string that I had fixed up as a sitar/cittern to try and make it into a sarod guitar. (Previously to this I had had it as an Indian slide guitar - Mohan Veena.) Then I traded my Hansa Veena, a Regal Dobro guitar (American slide guitar), a sitar and too much cash for a Sarod. Within a short while, I realized that I didn't like sarod music and had no interest in learning.

So now to give my left hand a break I re-fixed up the old Martin 12 string as a Mohan Veena again. Also put a deposit down at Woodstock Music on another Regal Dobro. They have the Sarod and will hopefully be able to sell it (for much less than I paid for it, but a lesson is a lesson.)

Actually probably more than one lesson here.

Cosmic Trigger Event

I've received this from a variety of sources -


A cosmic trigger event is occurring on the 17th of October 2006
==========================
This is the beginning, one of many trigger events to come between now and 2013. An ultraviolet (UV) pulse beam radiating from higher dimensions in universe-2 will cross paths with the Earth on this day. Earth will remain approximately within this UV beam for 17 hours of your time.

This beam resonates with the heart chakra, it is radiant fluorescent in nature, blue/magenta in colour. Although it resonates in this frequency band it is above the colour frequency spectrum of your universe-1 which you, Earth articulate in.

However due to the nature of your soul and soul groups operating from Universe-2 frequency bands it will have an effect. The effect is every thought and emotion will be amplified intensely one million-fold. Yes, we will repeat, all will be amplified one millions time and more. Every thought, every emotion, every intent, every will, no matter if it is good, bad, ill, positive, negative, will be amplified one million times in strength.

What does this mean? Since all matter manifest is due to your thoughts, i.e. what you focus on, this beam will accelerate these thoughts and solidify them at an accelerated rate making them manifest a million times faster than they normally would.

For those that do not comprehend. Your thoughts, what you focus on create your reality. This UV beam thus can be a dangerous tool. For if you are focused on thoughts which are negative to your liking they will manifest into your reality almost instantly. Then again this UV beam can be a gift if you choose it to be. Mission-1017 requires approximately one million people to focus on positive, benign, good willed thoughts for themselves and the Earth and Humanity on this day. Your thoughts can be of any nature of your choosing, but remember whatever you focus on will be made manifest in a relatively faster than anticipated time frame. To some the occurrences may almost be bordering on the miracle. All we ask is positive thoughts of love, prosperity, healing, wealth, kindness, gratitude be focused on. This UV beam comes into full affect for 17 hrs on the 17th of October 2006 . No matter what time zone you are in the hours are approximately 10:17 am on the 17th of October to 1:17 am on the 18th October. The peak time will be 17:10 ( 5:10 pm ) on the 17th October. You do not need to be in a meditative state through out this time, though would be beneficial. The main key time no matter what time zone you are in will be the peak time of 17:10 ( 5:10 pm ). Perhaps at this time if you can find a peaceful spot or location to focus. The optimum is out in the vicinity of grounded nature, likened to that of a large tree or next to the ocean waves. Focus on whatever it is you desire. What is required for the benefit of all Earth and Humanity is positive thoughts of loving nature.

We call this UV beam trigger event, "818" gateway. Please forward this message to as many people as you know who will use this cosmic trigger event to focus positive, good willed thoughts. We require approximately 1-million people across globe to actively participate in this event. Please use whatever communication mediums you have at your disposal. Reach out to as many people as possible. We require 1-million plus people at the least to trigger a shift for humanity from separation and fragmentation to one of unification and oneness. This is your opportunity to take back what is rightfully yours i.e. Peace and Prosperity for all Earth and Mankind. This is a gift, a life line from your universe so to speak, an answer to your prayers. What you do with it and whether or not you choose to participate is your choice.

Hindu Temple Samaj

A wonderful time at the Hindu Samaj Temple in Wappingers Falls (http://www.hindusamajtemple.org/) on Friday. I drove down with Maya. We got there in the middle of a puja and there was time to visit with the various deities. I had a wonderful conversation with Radha Krishna and an illumination from Saraswati. It was wonderful vocal Hindustani classical music with a woman named Raka Mukherje who was touring from India.

RADHA, RADHA continues to run through my head, but I don't find it obtrusive anymore. It's comforting.

I made my harmonium debut at the Dissentient Folk Festival at the Howland Center in Beacon on Sunday. I used it for Gandhi's hymn "Ragapati"

RAGUPATI RAGAWA RAJA RAM
PATITAPAVAN SITA RAM
SITA RAM JAYA SITA RAM
BAJIE PIARE TU SITA RAM
ISWAR HALLA TERUNAM
SABUCO SANMATI DE BHAGAWAN

This hymn combines Hindu and Muslim lyrics. Gandhi sang it with his followers on his famous salt march to the sea.

Radhe, Radhe!

I have had a Bajan running through my head for the past few days. "Radhe, Radhe, Radhe, Radhe," "Radhe, Govinda - Radhe, Govinda". It has been obsessive, always there. In therapy I was lamenting my inability to keep up mantras or prayer for very long. As I left the therapists office the Radhe Bajan started in my head. I went home and worked it out on banjo. Then yesterday I became worried that I couldn't control it and purposely drove it out of my mind playing some Shiva recordings and chanting "Radhe Krishna". All well and good but, I had planned to sing the Radhe Bajan last night at Jed's meditation group, but I could no longer remember it until after the session! I have to start learning to leave my ego at the door.

Chi, Chi, Chi....

I've been getting some help from subtle energy, Cranial Sacral healer Jennifer Laun, opening up my chi pathways. It's been a wonderful experience. It analogous to the tingling sensation you feel when your arm or leg has gone to sleep and then it starts to wake up. It started in my chest and now has worked it's way through my torso and a little bit into the legs. It felt like a spasm or tick at first. I relaxed into the feeling and let it happen and it spread. It's a new sense of awareness or untapped strength.

Here is an picture of an owl she worked on. For the full article go to http://www.wildwatch.org/Binocular/bino01/poisons.html

Dalai Lama

The Dalai Lama came to town (Woodstock) the other day. He spoke at Andy Lee field for a good 40 minutes. And it was very good. My wife Penny and son Roberto were with me, which was very, very special.

Leading Kirtan 11/6/06

I will be leading Kirtan on Monday, November 6th at Namaste Yoga in Woodstock, NY. Kirtan is Hindu sacred chant. I will probably be playing harmonium, guitar and fiddle, accompanied by drums. This is a change from the previously announced date of October 2nd. Sahaja, who is an extremely knowledgeable Kirtan walla, will be leading that evening. Oh, and Serge will be leading 9/18 and Shaymdas 9/25. I've spent a few minutes here trying to come up with superlatives to describe them both. It would take too long. They're both great. Come if you can. Kirtan starts at 5:30 and runs 1 1/2 hours.

Veena

From Veena Vadana – a yoga for salvation
P.A. Ramakrishnan and P. Parameswaran

The veena is the most ancient stringed instrument of India. It is one of the three principal musical instruments mentioned in the vedic literature, the other two being the venu (flute) and Mrindanga. Veena is considered to be a divine instrument and in Hindu mythology, Gods and Goddesses are often depicted as playing on the veena and enjoying its sweet melodies.
****************************
Sarangadeva has beautifully elaborated the divinity of veena as:

Darsana sparsane chasya bhoga svargapavargade
Punito viprahatyadi patakaih patitam janam
Danda sambhuruma tantri kakubhah kamalapatih
Indra patrika brahma tumbam nabhih sarasvati
Dorako vasukirjiva sudhamsuh sarika ravih
Sarvadevamayi tasmad veeneyam sarvamangala

(That is, by seeing and touching the veena, one attains the sacred religion and liberation. It purifies the sinner, who is been guilty of killing a Brahmin. The danda, made of wood or Bamboo, is Siva, the string is Devi Uma, the shoulder is Vishnu, the bridge is Lakshmi, the gourd is Brahma, the navel is Sarasvati, the connecting wires are vasuki, the jiva is the moon and the pegs are the sun. The veena thus represents nearly all the Gods and Goddesses, and is, therefore, capable of bestowing all kinds of divine blessings, benediction and auspiciousness).

Fiddle dee dee

Fiddle has been an interesting challenge for me. To review, I have played fiddle on and off for 40 years. Mostly off, due to neck, shoulder and carpal tunnel problems. I have been to a lot of "alignment" experts and am seeing a physical therapist now who has worked with fiddlers before. I feel have some real hopes of beating these physical challenges.
My fiddle came from Krishna and I have been working on Indian scales and techniques, just beginning really. Right now at Kirtan I play along with the melody, occasionally putting in a slide, but mostly staying in the background, trying to be supportive rather than have a voice of my own. I work on my posture and alignment as I'm playing. I'm having some successes. Due to my broken wrist, I've tended to put more emphasis on the up stroke than the down stroke. I'm practicing doing down strokes on the beat and finding the "fiddle stroke" in my wrist is coming back after 30 years.
I don't play a lot of American or Irish standard fiddle stuff right now because I don't want to strain any part of my body as I have not played the fiddle in a long time. But when I do, it's sounding good!.
While I love my Krishna fiddle, the bow that came with it is not so good. It is clunky with a slight warp. A few days ago I found an old fiberglass bow in my basement with good hair. It's not by any means a good bow, but it is straight and a big improvement on what I had.

The Perfect Song

As a singer, I have been intrigued by the difference between "good" and "bad" performances. The ideas of "good" and "bad" in this context are both internal and external experiences. I may feel that I have done a wonderful job of singing a song, but the listener may not have enjoyed it. The listener may have negative association with the song, my voice, the physical space that they are listening to it in or there may be countless other reasons that they had a negative (or a positive experience). My experience likewise will be based on how it sounds to me, how I perceive the listener reaction, what my mood is on the day of performance and what my expectations are. As the singer, I also hear the song internally while I'm singing it. The sound resonates inside of me and adds to the harmonic overtones and undertones that are projected, but there is also a feedback loop to my ear that causes me to hear the sound differently than an outside observer. This is one reason it is hard to get the sound of a recording to be like the sound that you think of as "your voice". And then of course is the question of what is a "performance". I have heard people say that Kirtan and other religious music should not be a "performance", but then heard people criticize the singer for bad technique. In that context I believe that you are performing for your God and question of technique....... sorry, this probably needs another 20 pages........

I could go on and on with what causes the subtle philosophical experience of good" and "bad" performances, and I may expand on this elsewhere sometime, but I actually started this post for a different reason - to mention a couple of times when I really nailed the song to the wall, did what I thought was my personal best. They have been few and far between, but one has been on my mind lately and I thought I would mention it.

In May of 2006 I played at a memorial service for a close friend and coworker, Ellen Asher. I sang “Danny Boy”. Now I have sung DB about a hundred times. A lot of people think of it as a corny song. Actually there are a lot of people who think of all Irish American songs of that genre as "corny", ie., not capable of being artistic, having no legitimacy. Well I've always liked cornball stuff and think that it is legitimate in its own right. Ellen was Irish American and an intelligent, political, modern gay woman. She had mixed feelings about her roots, which is normal and natural, but she had a great sense of humor and I think she would have laughed at the idea of me singing DB at her funeral.

I didn't do it for laughs though. I sang it straight, from the heart, with every nuance of emotion I could get out of it. I have heard people do it as a light hearted song, but I've usually tried to do it as a full voice, emotional ballad. In consequence, if I am singing with other people, if it's appropriate to do it as a throwaway song, I will usually let somebody else do it. At Ellen's memorial service, it was a perfect opportunity for me to give it my all. I gave an apology to the group, saying that I knew some people thought it was corny, but that (true), it had been going through my head ever since Ellen died and it was a song I needed to do. I did it at the beginning of the program, when people were still having trouble acknowledging their grief.

Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side
The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide

I had my eyes closed at the beginning of the song, but opened them at this point, just to check out people's reactions. They had obviously all connected with me.

But come ye back when summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow
It's I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so

At this point most people think the song is finished and are surprised when I start the second verse.

And if you come, when all the flowers are dying
And I am dead, as dead I well may be
You'll come and find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me

Here I had a slight brain fog and was congratulating myself on how well I was doing, which of course made me lose the emotional thread of the song for a minute. (This happens to performers a lot more than people realize.)

And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me
And all my dreams will warmer, sweeter be
If you will bend and tell me that you love me
Then I will sleep in peace until you come to me

By the end I knew I had done a good job and I modestly excused myself and sat down. The afterglow when you've know you've done a good job of singing is a very heady thing and I spent some time trying to focus on the service and thinking what else I could do. The organizers had asked me to do a song at the end. About halfway through the service I remembered a funny parody written by a man named Tony Herbert circa 1965. I was only able to do a few verses, but it fit. Ellen was known for her sense of humor and love of word games.

I’m playing scrabble and I’m feeling so depressed
And the cause of my depression is one you might have guessed
I’ve got most of the letters except perhaps a few
And I know I’ll never find another U

I tried writing a verse during the service, but I couldn't get the words out right. I la, la'd and said something about "dropping by your office". People were emotionally connected with me and were able to confuse and excuse my lack of ability to remember words with emotion, which perhaps it was. The second verse was funny enough to end on.

I don’t know the reason I find this game so hard
I should have stuck to Ma Jong or perhaps a game of cards
The creators of this board game are making me feel blue
Cause I know I’ll never find another U

Although I’ll probably be asked to sing Danny Boy again at some point in my life, I doubt if I will ever do it as well as I did for Ellen. This is my subjective feeling. Someone who was there may have had a totally different experience. And of course I would want to know that, but the personal subjective experience is on some level enough. I sang to Ellen and I think she may have heard me - and loved me - and laughed.

And on and on

I had a small procedure done on my hand that stopped me from playing music for a week. How devastating My whole life slid down into the pit. Stopped meditating, not eating right, not doing daily devotions. Today my devotion was putting Saraswati and Rama images on my cellphone!
The stitches are out today and I can almost hold a guitar pick. A lot of Hudson Valley historic music gigs in the next month. But I need to make time to tone and play devotional music too!
Hari Ram, Hari, Hari

Happy Birthday Krishna!

A pause to remember the god and goddess of love, Radhe and Krishna. I was unable to make it to a Krishna celebration tonight, but took some time for myself, for healing and rejuvenation.
I am working on several areas of my spiritual life. There is my public music. I am practicing voice, violin and harmonium. I don't expect to be able to play Hindustani classical music anytime soon, but do feel I am able to lead some Kirtan chants.
I continue to read books on Indian spiritual thought, yoga, Bagavad Gita, etc.
I am doing daily yoga practice and weekly classes, starting physical therapy and subtle energy healing.
I attend a Hilda Charlton meditation group. I have some trouble keeping focus and staying awake in the group. I also spend time exploring my inner landscape. I have been experiencing internal visual stimuli. Some of it seems to be meaningful. In the past I have often been confused by my feelings about subtle energy interpretations of reality. Lately it seems to be working for me.
I find that this all works if I dedicate it to God.
Today, Radhe Krishna, I dedicate my devotion to you.
Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna

Aum

On June 25th I played the fiddle and led a Hare Krishna chant at a Kirtan at Sruti Ram's house. I didn't feel prepared. As I was walking into his house I remember wishing that I would be able to lead a chant with the fiddle and comforting myself with the thought that I should be able to do it in about 2 months! When he asked me to sing I was stunned, but knew that I had to do it. I just prayed to Krishna and let the sound come out. I felt like someone else was doing it and I was just along for the ride. I copped out, played it safe, and didn't keep it up as long as the song deserved, but it was well received.
*

In June of 2006, I started toning at the weekly reading the names of the dead soldiers who have died in the Iraqi war. Jay Wenk, David Bruner and Joan Keefe are there every Saturday at 12:30 in front of the Kingston Army Recruiting Office. I wrote a song about it and sang it at the Woodstock Memorial Day Parade.

Read Me the Dead

Every Saturday morning Jay, Joan and David
Stand by the door, at the Kings’ Mall
Outside the recruiters, they do their duty
They stand and recite, the names of the dead

Chorus: Read me the dead, what were their names?
Do you think this is some sort of game?
Read me the dead, what were their names?
Do you think this is some sort of game?

That was my son, my daughter or brother
Uncle or aunt, friend or a lover.
Why did they go, what did they hope for?
Why are we here, who wants to know?

Chorus

Cursed be the leaders, who shamed the memories
Of foot soldiers, veterans, each one a hero
These are their names, there battles have ended
We stand in their honor, we stand here for peace!

Chorus
I find my toning at the recruiting station is 1., something I can do and 2., a great exercise in balancing ego vs heart space (thanks Jen and Cory), an area I am trying to work on.

I've battled for a long time to find a musical instrument that fits with Kirtan, allowing me to both lead and accompany. The cittern did not really fit my voice for lead. I have tried guitar with sympathetic strings, Hindustani slide guitar including Hansa Veena, sarod guitar (a guitar with metal fretless fingerboard and sympathetic strings) and currently a real sarod. The problem is that most Indian stringed instruments are designed to be played in one key at a time and the Kirtan leaders generally change key with each chant.

I had attended a Kirtan with Shayamdas another well known Kirtan wallah on June 22, 2006. It was a welcoming home party from his sojourn in India. He spoke about bhakti, bhaav, leela, Krishna, the Rishi's and the Gopalas. A wonderful evening and nice sense of community at the home of Martin (Vasant) and Barbara (Parameswari). I must have been very inspired because on June 24th I found a new instrument, a fiddle, a gift from Krishna. I bought it at the Old Songs Festival. I tried to resist it, but the sound quality was too overwhelmingly beautiful.

Sri Ram

On June 15, 2006, I did another toning workshop at Mirabai, hoping it would stimulate me to regular practice. I planned it around the concept of "Toning for Healing", an area I have actually shied away from over the years. I believe that toning has the power to heal and I have felt healing happen with myself and others when I tone. I'm not sure that I'm emotionally ready to be that type of healer. I would up being sick myself the night of the workshop. No one complained but I didn't feel it was my finest hour. Baird Hershy, who founded the group Prana did a toning workshop there this summer. I was unable to be there, but understand it was great and very well attended.
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This spring, 2006 I saw Karunamayi again in Woodstock and had a much more positive experience. She did the Om Thryambakam Yajaamahe bajan which Sruti Ram had been teaching us in Woodstock. I later realized that I had had that recording for several years and hadn't realized it.

Om Thryambakam Yajaamahe
Sugandhim Puststi Vardhanam
Urvaarukamiva Bandhanaan
Mruthyo Muksheeya Maamrothath

We worship the All Seeing One
Fragrant, You nourish bounteously
From fear of death may you cut us free
To realize immortality